You set out in life with hopes and dreams and sometimes they come through and in more cases it doesn’t happen for you… But you always strive to reach that goal you set out to reach.

Looking at how things have panned out for myself as I’ll only write of my own experience as I know that best. The past few months have shown me I should have done this earlier but that is the way life went and I of course knew better as a teenager in particular. This move to “independence” has done wonders for me, it has help my waistline as well as the other benefits.

I have the typical jesting you get in my situation, you have the pad now try and find the lady to go with it too. I am only out on my “own” just over two months but life has improved and I am so grateful to be in this position as I know in the current climate things are tough and tight for so many of my age group.

I was fortunate to be offered this chance and even more fortunate to accept the offer. It’s a privilege as well as a right of passage. For years as I have spoken of previously I have been told I was mollycoddled and minded. I won’t mention names but I know I can now look those people in the eye and say here I am, 33 out and free, take me as you now find me or take a hike !!

Time and space has given me the opportunity to think and reflect on past mistakes and success. Of which there are many of both but I am still here and that for me is a real success as I have spoken of many times, on more than one occasion I had thought of ending my life.

That plan was supposed to be executed on my 30^th birthday but thankfully I didn’t think of following through on the idea that ending my life would help others, family or friends. I have been prompted to write this by seeing the anniversary yesterday of the closing of the last Magdalene Laundry in Dublin in 1996.

To think of those women, who had their lives ruined by church and states is a national disgrace and let’s hope those women that are still living will have the chance to see real change in Ireland. We are 27 years beyond that point and the wheel is slowly turning away from that period. As I say I am thinking of those women, young and old as I sit here and type.

I suppose my reasons for including that in this piece is that I have had the opportunity to have a life and make choices where those women didn’t have that option. What I am saying is, take any chance that comes your way and don’t sit back and wait for it to come to the door to you because as I realised only in the last couple of years it won’t come to you and ask you do you want to take the chance presented.

I am currently “between” opportunities myself and I am working on my next move. I have been lucky to have some of my dreams and hopes become a reality since I left school.

Having the chance to work in community radio and write for my own website, and then with the helping hand of the late Fr Pat Moore putting in a kind word with a man I know can call a friend John Herilhy to take me on board with the Radio Kerry Broadcast course in 2015.

 I broke his heart but the skills he managed to impart to that 25 year old who felt he knew plenty when in fact in all honesty I didn’t know anything gave me the tools to have something to fall back on when I am “between” chances. This is one of those periods and I am writing away and planning for a few interviews.

I have spoken to a number of sports people and also people in other industries and have been lucky to meet and interview many people including a few of my hero’s. What I am saying is if you have a hope or a dream go out and do what you can to achieve it because it will not come in the door to you….

So yet again it’s a quarter final exit for Ireland at another Rugby World Cup. But this exit seems different to many others because Ireland were in this game for 80 + minutes. A 28-24 loss to New Zealand is a familiar tale of the Irish tape at World Cup time. Unfortunately on this occasion Ireland were left counter punching and trying to find a way to turn around an early 13-0 NZ lead.

As I have said so many times here and on a few podcasts you can’t give a team like New Zealand a head start and then expect to keep counter punching and find a way past them. This time though Ireland did that three times and found scores that included a penalty try.

We were found wanting a scrum time and maybe Farrell should have called for Dave Kilcoyne earlier than 10 minutes from the end. Alas this didn’t happen and it might just have countered the impact of the replacement New Zealand replacement front row.

The past two years in particular under Andy Farrell and Co promised some much and a Grand Slam last March also suggested that lessons of previous tale offs in the months leading to World Cup time had been learned from.

Yet again though, it’s a story of If, But, Maybe and Could Have, Should Have, Would Have. This review will be as though if not harder than what went before.

Ireland worked a position late on and went to the corner took the line out and went over only for Jordie Barrett to use his 6”4 frame to get under Ronan Kelleher to deny Ireland a famous winning try.

This New Zealand side does not have the aura of other teams that had Carter, Mc Caw etc but what it does have is players with the right strong skill set to execute the game plan that is set out by whoever may be in charge at that point.

The impact of the assistant coaches, Joe Schmidt and Jason Ryan can be easily seen. Both men were assistants previously with Schmidt of course coaching up here with Leinster and Ireland and Jason Ryan was assistant to incoming New Zealand coach Scott Robertson at the Crusaders.

It will certainly be an interesting one to look to see with both men be kept on in the short term once New Zealand’s time in France ends whether that is on Friday on the following weekend.  

Back to Ireland, Saturday of course marked the end of Jonathan Sexton’s time as a professional rugby player. He played 118 times for Ireland, scoring over 1,000 Test points.

He burst onto the scene here with Leinster in late 2009. Having appeared during the Celtic League campaign that year it was his appearance against Munster in Croke Park that brought him really to people’s attention. His drive to succeed and win has to be mentioned and say it was unrivalled. Many Irish players tried to drive standards but only him and Roy Keane truly made that happen.

Of course people will look at his record at RWC’s and say not he never did it on that stage but that is only part of his story as he drove them to victory last March to win a Grand Slam, kicked them to win a crucial win against France in 2018 in Paris with “Le drop”.

So looking at his career on the whole it’s been very special and he will be recognised as one man who drove Ireland to huge heights maybe not on the RWC stage but his impact on the game in Ireland will be long lasting I have no doubt.

He will bow out now and fade into civilian life with ease and enjoy family life.

A word too for Keith Earls who it was quietly announced would also be stepping away from the International game after 101 caps and 36 tries. He is loved by all who follow the game in this country and will be missed by those who support Munster aswell as the Irish supporters if he confirms his retirement from the club game also.

These two along with I suspect a few more will make statements about there long term futures as one or two will have contract renewals to discuss in the coming months. We can leave that for another time.

Thank you to both Keith and Jonathan for their respective contributions in green. I was there the night Keith made his international debut in Limerick in November 2008. He scored after 2 minutes and never looked back….

So that elusive first semi-final appearance will have to wait until Australia in 2027… Time now to take stock of the last few weeks and reset the clock for 2024 and beyond.

Enjoy the rest of the RWC where England will carry the hopes of the northern hemisphere after Ireland, France and Wales were beaten this past weekend….

RWC 2023

Ireland’s 2023 World Cup campaign got off to the perfect start with an 82-8 win over Romania who look a long way off the pace and according to an ex-coach Michael Bradley who also coached here in Ireland Romania have regressed so far that they are about 10 years behind Georgia in terms of preparation and all that goes with that particular aspect of things !!

Ireland did the needful and scored 12 tries which were evenly spread between forwards and backs. They need to work on the line out and the restart which were not where they need to be if this side can truly challenge at the top end of this competition.

Paul O Connell will need to help them fix the issues that continue to hold them back, losing Dan Sheehan and Ronan Kelleher hasn’t helped with consistency but both men are on the way back with Kelleher making a return from the bench last weekend.

I would be hopeful that the return to fitness of both men along with Jonathan Sexton’s return will have the desired impact. Sexton looked like hadn’t been absent for 6 months through injury and then suspension.

Bundee Aki got the opening chance to play alongside Garry Ringrose and took full advantage, he and Ringrose may make way for both Stuart Mc Closkey and Robbie Henshaw to face Tonga next Saturday at 8pm Irish time.  Henshaw was named on the bench for Saturday’s clash but was withdrawn after the captains run on Friday.

If he is deemed fit enough one thinks that both men will get the chance to stake a claim for a starting role. Not taking Tonga lightly will be key for Ireland next weekend. We have seen how ruthless and clinical they can be which is great to see. Watch the final few minutes and you’ll see a prime example of the clinical and ruthless edge I speak of. An end to end try started by Mack Hansen and finished by Tadgh Beirne.

The campaign started well and now it’s onto game two where Ireland will expect plenty of themselves as well as the travelling masses who will want more of the same against Tonga that was seen and in evidence last week.

Here is the 23 I would select for game 2 against Tonga –

15 Jimmy O Brien

14 Mack Hansen

13 Robbie Henshaw

12 Stuart Mc Closkey

11 Keith Earls

10 Jack Crowley

9 Conor Murray

8 Jack Conan

7 Josh Van Der Flier

6 Ryan Baird

5 Iain Henderson

4 Joe Mc Carthy

3 Finlay Bealham

2 Ronan Kelleher

1 Dave Kilcoyne

–

16 Rob Herring

17 Jeremy Loughman

18 Tom O Toole

19 James Ryan

20 Peter O Mahony

21 Craig Casey

22 Ross Byrne

23 Bundee Aki

This is the 23 I would select to play Tonga on Saturday night, time is now for this squad to hit their second marker….

My RWC team to face Romania in the opening game of the 2023 Rugby World Cup would be

15 Mack Hansen

14 Keith Earls

13 Robbie Henshaw

12 Stuart Mc Closkey

11 Jimmy O Brien

10 Jonathan Sexton

9 Jamison Gibson Park

8 Jack Conan

7 Peter O Mahony

6 Ryan Baird

5 Iain Henderson

4 James Ryan

3 Finlay Bealham

2 Ronan Kelleher

1 Dave Kilcoyne

–

16 Rob Herring

17 Jeremy Loughman

18 Tom O Toole

19 Tadgh Beirne

20 Caelan Doris

21 Conor Murray

22 Jack Crowley

23 Bundee Aki

Here is the 23 I would select to play Romania in next Saturday’s World Cup opener. It gives players the chance to get minutes in the legs namely Jonathan Sexton, Ronan Kelleher to name two who need game time. Not ideal to be building up match fitness in a World Cup opener but such is life.  This World Cup does promise so much and let’s hope the harsh “lessons” of 1987, 1991, 1995, 1999, 2003, 2007, 2011, 2015 and finally 2019 can finally be learned from and although the draw doesn’t favour an Irish semi-final appearance this squad under Andy Farrell have done much to change perception of failure in certain ways and now it is time to lay to rest the shambolic World Cup record of no semi-final appearance.

Yes of course the 2023 version isn’t easy and history says Ireland will be home as normal after the quarter finals but this year might be different as Ireland  won a Grand Slam this year and not forgetting the series win in New Zealand from 2022.

Those wins won’t count for anything if they don’t help lay the actual groundwork for Ireland to break the glass ceiling that should have been broken long before now but now is the turn of this squad with many men who have had heart break along with real disappointment at previous World Cups but we also have a core of players with no World Cup baggage !!

I know rugby isn’t everyone’s cup of tea but it’s our national side in a World Cup and they have genuine claim to win it, they need to break a dreadful record to do it but that’s what breaking records are about, time now to stand up a really be counted……

It’s that time of year, as I mark 7 years since Mam passed away. I know I have said I wouldn’t continue to write of the anniversary as I would most likely keep things private going forward. But I suppose given my life changing move from a few months I suppose another piece was in order.

It will mark 7 years as I say since Mam passed away and in that time I have had several moments where I have felt like I was in this constant head spin that I didn’t feel I could get away from but as I settle into my new life away from home. I can see the rest of the life before my eyes and trust me when I say I didn’t think I’d ever see that day.

Looking to what has happened in that time, I managed to get my act together and move out of the comfort zone and I am now out on my own and planning the next steps of the future I thought I’d never get or have.

Living on my own has thought me to gain a backbone and to tell someone to “stick their advice where the sun doesn’t shine if I need to do so” I have yet to need that backbone but I have come close on one or two occasions in recent times.

My mother always wanted me to get out and live on my own and take that next step. It’s a real shame she isn’t physically here to see the moment she always dreamt of become a reality. But rest assured I can hear her as I speak to people in certain ways or situations. So even though she is not physically here, she is not too far away.

I now need to put that next plan in place and drive on. I know I have written many pieces on what it’s been like to mentally suffer in different ways but I now know what those signs are and the ways to hopefully deal with things as they arise over the coming weeks and months.

Looking at that period back in 2016, I won’t ever forget it as long as my brain will allow of course. Those moments will live with me forever and have left a lasting impression. I have woken up on occasion and went to text Mam or call her to only snap back to reality and say to myself, I can’t send that text or make that call…

For those of you that can do that, do it. As we have seen over the past 7 days in parts of Ireland you never know what may be about to happen, So appreciate those moments with those you love and hold dear.

It’s 7 years since I lost Mother and it really is one relationship you can’t replace. We were very close as many will point out. Every time the Rose of Tralee or Listowel Race Week comes around it is another reminder that she isn’t around. They were two times of the year she enjoyed immensely.

7 years on and Mother dearest has her wish, her eldest has done what she probably thought I’d never do while she was alive and that is I grew a pair and made something happen…. I am out on my own… Mother’s anniversary is on Saturday September 9^th at 6pm here in Tarbert.

Here is my 33 man squad for the 2023 Rugby World Cup beginning on September 8^th in France.

Prop – Cian Healy, Andrew Porter – LH

Tadgh Furlong, Tom O Toole, Finlay Bealham – TH

Hooker- Dan Sheehan, Tom Stewart, Ronan Kelleher – 8 Front Row

Second Row – Ian Henderson, Tadgh Beirne, James Ryan, Joe Mc Carthy. – 4 Second Row

Back Row/ number 8 – Caelan Doris, Josh Van Der Flier, Peter O Mahony, Ryan Baird, Gavin Coombes.- 5 – Back Row/Number 8 – 17 Forwards

Scrum Half- Conor Murray, Craig Casey, Jamison Gibson Park- 3

Fly Half- Jonathan Sexton, Jack Crowley, Ciaran Frawley -3

Centre- Robbie Henshaw, Gary Ringrose, Bundee Aki, Stuart Mc Closkey – 4

Wing/ Full Back – James Lowe, Mack Hansen, Keith Earls, Jimmy O Brien, Jacob Stockdale, Jamie Osbourne – 6 – 16 Backs

Here is the 33 man squad I would select to travel to France for the 2023 World Cup injury allowing of course. I have selected a number of players that can play in multiple positions as Andy Farrell has challenged his squads to adapt on the fly since he took the job on after the 2019 World Cup.

I have finally done what has been asked of me and hinted at and cut the apron string !! Mother of course would be extremely happy to finally see me out on my own and fending for myself. The last number of weeks has been good fun, the settling in period took about 5 minutes…

I know how fortunate I am to be in this position as I felt many times that I’d never manage to move but thank god I have been in a position to take up the offer to move in here.  As I sit here typing I truly can say I am content and happy. There is satisfaction to be able to sit down and write those words down and mean them.

As I have written so many times, I have had many dark moments but for the first time I can really type these words and mean them, I am Happy. I have found that any headaches or feeling rough has been replaced by contentment.

I know it’s an easy word to say contentment but to be able to write and mean it is key. I don’t feel like I want to moan or give out half as much. Life seems like the way it should do. I know too that it isn’t the case for many and trust me when I say there is light at the end of the tunnel.

 I never thought I’d see or reach the light I speak of but take it from the man who reached rock bottom and only for a phone call would not be sitting here, there is help there and things will improve I promise.

Mother’s anniversary falls next month on September 10^th. It will mark 7 years since the shit hit the fan on that Wednesday evening. So much has changed no more than her eldest finally finding his feet and her youngest son going down on one knee and proposing.

She would have had a serious amount of good news to deal with over a short number of weeks but she can now say her two lads are standing on their own two feet. I was the one that caused most concern in that regard but Mother and my father didn’t do too bad a job with us.

Those markers of one proposing and one moving on and paying my own bills have been reached so thank you Anne Marie and Rory.  I have been patted on the back and congratulated by so many it’s been overwhelming and has made think deeply, long and hard about what may be next.

I now want to talk to those who told me I was mollycoddled and “minded” by mother in there opinions for far too long. This is me, 33, out of home it took longer than it should have I know that but could you now start treating me like an adult and not the 12 year old you think you see when you speak to me.

Whose son or daughter isn’t minded by their parents, in the words of Roy Keane “That’s their job” Yes I over stayed my welcome at home but I found the knife to cut the apron strings and did so. It’s now time to set myself the next challenge and see how I go.

The change in my mood seems to be permanent and now It’s time to focus on a future that at several points over the last 9 years I didn’t think I’d see….