Mam 7 Years

It’s that time of year, as I mark 7 years since Mam passed away. I know I have said I wouldn’t continue to write of the anniversary as I would most likely keep things private going forward. But I suppose given my life changing move from a few months I suppose another piece was in order.

It will mark 7 years as I say since Mam passed away and in that time I have had several moments where I have felt like I was in this constant head spin that I didn’t feel I could get away from but as I settle into my new life away from home. I can see the rest of the life before my eyes and trust me when I say I didn’t think I’d ever see that day.

Looking to what has happened in that time, I managed to get my act together and move out of the comfort zone and I am now out on my own and planning the next steps of the future I thought I’d never get or have.

Living on my own has thought me to gain a backbone and to tell someone to “stick their advice where the sun doesn’t shine if I need to do so” I have yet to need that backbone but I have come close on one or two occasions in recent times.

My mother always wanted me to get out and live on my own and take that next step. It’s a real shame she isn’t physically here to see the moment she always dreamt of become a reality. But rest assured I can hear her as I speak to people in certain ways or situations. So even though she is not physically here, she is not too far away.

I now need to put that next plan in place and drive on. I know I have written many pieces on what it’s been like to mentally suffer in different ways but I now know what those signs are and the ways to hopefully deal with things as they arise over the coming weeks and months.

Looking at that period back in 2016, I won’t ever forget it as long as my brain will allow of course. Those moments will live with me forever and have left a lasting impression. I have woken up on occasion and went to text Mam or call her to only snap back to reality and say to myself, I can’t send that text or make that call…

For those of you that can do that, do it. As we have seen over the past 7 days in parts of Ireland you never know what may be about to happen, So appreciate those moments with those you love and hold dear.

It’s 7 years since I lost Mother and it really is one relationship you can’t replace. We were very close as many will point out. Every time the Rose of Tralee or Listowel Race Week comes around it is another reminder that she isn’t around. They were two times of the year she enjoyed immensely.

7 years on and Mother dearest has her wish, her eldest has done what she probably thought I’d never do while she was alive and that is I grew a pair and made something happen…. I am out on my own… Mother’s anniversary is on Saturday September 9th at 6pm here in Tarbert.

2023 World Cup Squad

Here is my 33 man squad for the 2023 Rugby World Cup beginning on September 8th in France.

Prop – Cian Healy, Andrew Porter – LH

Tadgh Furlong, Tom O Toole, Finlay Bealham – TH

Hooker- Dan Sheehan, Tom Stewart, Ronan Kelleher – 8 Front Row

Second Row – Ian Henderson, Tadgh Beirne, James Ryan, Joe Mc Carthy. – 4 Second Row

Back Row/ number 8 – Caelan Doris, Josh Van Der Flier, Peter O Mahony, Ryan Baird, Gavin Coombes.- 5 – Back Row/Number 8 – 17 Forwards

Scrum Half- Conor Murray, Craig Casey, Jamison Gibson Park- 3

Fly Half- Jonathan Sexton, Jack Crowley, Ciaran Frawley -3

Centre- Robbie Henshaw, Gary Ringrose, Bundee Aki, Stuart Mc Closkey – 4

Wing/ Full Back – James Lowe, Mack Hansen, Keith Earls, Jimmy O Brien, Jacob Stockdale, Jamie Osbourne – 6 – 16 Backs

Here is the 33 man squad I would select to travel to France for the 2023 World Cup injury allowing of course. I have selected a number of players that can play in multiple positions as Andy Farrell has challenged his squads to adapt on the fly since he took the job on after the 2019 World Cup.

“Moving On” Is Apparently Paying Bills

I have finally done what has been asked of me and hinted at and cut the apron string !! Mother of course would be extremely happy to finally see me out on my own and fending for myself. The last number of weeks has been good fun, the settling in period took about 5 minutes…

I know how fortunate I am to be in this position as I felt many times that I’d never manage to move but thank god I have been in a position to take up the offer to move in here.  As I sit here typing I truly can say I am content and happy. There is satisfaction to be able to sit down and write those words down and mean them.

As I have written so many times, I have had many dark moments but for the first time I can really type these words and mean them, I am Happy. I have found that any headaches or feeling rough has been replaced by contentment.

I know it’s an easy word to say contentment but to be able to write and mean it is key. I don’t feel like I want to moan or give out half as much. Life seems like the way it should do. I know too that it isn’t the case for many and trust me when I say there is light at the end of the tunnel.

 I never thought I’d see or reach the light I speak of but take it from the man who reached rock bottom and only for a phone call would not be sitting here, there is help there and things will improve I promise.

Mother’s anniversary falls next month on September 10th. It will mark 7 years since the shit hit the fan on that Wednesday evening. So much has changed no more than her eldest finally finding his feet and her youngest son going down on one knee and proposing.

She would have had a serious amount of good news to deal with over a short number of weeks but she can now say her two lads are standing on their own two feet. I was the one that caused most concern in that regard but Mother and my father didn’t do too bad a job with us.

Those markers of one proposing and one moving on and paying my own bills have been reached so thank you Anne Marie and Rory.  I have been patted on the back and congratulated by so many it’s been overwhelming and has made think deeply, long and hard about what may be next.

I now want to talk to those who told me I was mollycoddled and “minded” by mother in there opinions for far too long. This is me, 33, out of home it took longer than it should have I know that but could you now start treating me like an adult and not the 12 year old you think you see when you speak to me.

Whose son or daughter isn’t minded by their parents, in the words of Roy Keane “That’s their job” Yes I over stayed my welcome at home but I found the knife to cut the apron strings and did so. It’s now time to set myself the next challenge and see how I go.

The change in my mood seems to be permanent and now It’s time to focus on a future that at several points over the last 9 years I didn’t think I’d see….