2019 Into 2020

I was very slow to sit down and write this particular piece to mark the end of 2019. My reason being is I have done a lot thinking about my writing since 2013 when I started blogging on different topics. I have written at length about many personal situations which I would never have dreamed about speaking pre 2014 let alone write about these things down for future generations to read or hear my recordings.

Over the past few days I keep hearing about the end of the decade which is correct to say but when did this thing become an event.  In honour of this I will now give people a short run down on the last 10 years of my life, since 2010 I have lost so many key people that have been vital to my life, losing my grandparents in 2011 and 2014 a few weeks after I lost my grandfather in 2014 I came so close to ending my life only for my mother’s intuition and understanding to kick in and get a relation who will remain nameless to call my grandparents home to speak to me and that call prove crucial in making sure I didn’t follow through on my quickly hatched plan to end my life.

I owe my mother and that relation my life because had that call not arrived I would not be writing this piece. So many people spoke to me in the aftermath of me writing about my experiences the following May, these events happened in March 2014. I have had many moments since that particular time in which I have doubted myself and I did think about ending my life again on my 30th birthday. Don’t ask me to explain why I felt like that and why I selected my 30th birthday as the moment I thought of ending it all.

This plan was formed over a number of years but thankfully with the help of counselling and writing I have learned some very important life lessons and coping skills. I have finally learned to be happy with the man I have turned into but it has taken almost 16 years for me to get to this point where I can look myself in the mirror and smile and be pleased with the person I am.

People may read this and go , Cian is off again on another rant about his life and  his issues and if that is what you feel when you click into this article by all means leave the page and don’t trouble yourself with my writing.

In the grand scheme of things my life is very good where I have no issues with my health ( that I know of) and I am at peace with myself and I can honestly say that I was able to enjoy Christmas this year for the first time in over 15 or 16 years which in a big step forward. For anyone who struggled this year I can only tell you from someone who felt like shit many times , there is light at the end of the tunnel always….

Since 2016, things have not been the same for me after the sudden death of my mother. I didn’t know in the immediate days, weeks, months and now 3 years down the road how I was going to carry on but through huge amounts of support and counselling I am still here and grateful to so many people who I have met this Christmas and at other times since September 2016, you all have played a huge role in keeping this man off the canvass. I THANK You All So Much FOR That….

As 2019 draws to a close and we enter 2020, I will turn 30 in May 2020. I will be so grateful to make it to that milestone god willing. (  No there will not be any big celebration to mark it )  To all who have lost loved ones this year, my condolences to you all.. To people who welcomed new children, new daughters in law, sons in law, grand kids well done and I hope you enjoyed the last few days and the next few days also.

Well that is enough from me, I will end this with a quote from my late Mother that summed her up perfectly and it simply is “ Work and Story “ So from 2020 onward that will be the motto…. Have a good New Year and Thank YOU ALL so much from this very luck author…….

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