I felt compelled to put a few feelings down on paper again as I approach Mam’s 2nd anniversary. Jesus even writing that down is strange, 2 years on. Much has changed and some stuff has stayed the same. The headstone went up and that was another huge milestone to get over and that was done with a huge amount of certainty and a little trepidation.
As the 2nd anniversary approaches, I feel far more in control of my emotions than 12 months ago. That is not to say by the weekend I won’t be a mess and I will get over that hurdle if it arises. I still have plenty to learn but I feel like I am a much better person than I was 2 years ago. I don’t get as tense or worked up about the small stuff as I did in previous years.
It may not look like it to people on the outside but I am much more at peace with where I am in life and in my 28 years I haven’t been able to say that too often. I have so many people to say thank you to for listening to me at certain stages over the past 2 years. To those people, you will never know how grateful I truly am for every small thing that has been done for me over the years. I won’t embarrass those people but they know who they are…
I have spent the last few years getting my head right and just have realised how many sacrifices people made for me , in particular both my parents. I just hope that wherever Mam is, she is happy with how I have conducted myself since September 7th 2016.
Mam and Dad gave me tools to conduct myself in a certain way, I looked to Mam in particular for support and the courage to drive on with life when things got tough. She has looked over me since Saturday September 10th 2016. I have been moody , cranky , happy , sad , nearly driven to distraction by certain moments since that day but that is life I suppose.
To anyone who has lost a family member , friend or someone close to them in the last 12 months , my sincere condolences to you and your family…… I was always told to do things in a efficient manner, many times I heard those immortal words “ Work and Story “ Those words still reverberate in my mind on a daily basis.
Mam , you will be in my mind all week as you have been since the moment they switched off the machine that faithful day in 2016.
Rest easy as always Mam…
Cian Mc Gibney