It is amazing how quickly life changes, relationships and people change beyond all recognition when a big moment happens in life. You try extremely hard to return to your own self but your head and other factors stop you from doing things as you had hoped.
It has amazed me in particular how quick you lose touch with people. I have trusted more people in the last 5 years than I ever trusted in the previous 24 years. I have always been the guy to make others laugh and try to crack a joke.
Yes I seem to be Mr Serious and the look on my face seems to always suggest to people that I am in foul humour but that is so far removed from the truth in recent times. To some I may not have changed or moved on, to more I may seem like I haven’t a clue what to do with life or in life but as I have said so often before I will get there wherever there is in my own time. Again as my 29th birthday looms next week I am taking stock of where I am and where people expect you to be to keep up with the social norms of being in such and such a spot by 21, 30 and so on.
I have always done things stuff at a certain pace and in a certain way. I have given up listening to people who seem to be passing on pearls of wisdom because they feel it will benefit you in some way. I have heard so much “friendly” advice whether I wanted it or not in the last 2 and a bit years. Some decent advice but some utter crap from people who feel it is there right to fill in the void my Mam left.
I take advice from only a small number of people who have some idea of the situation I have been in since late 2016. It may also just be in my head but that is for me to figure out in time. I have spoken to so many and kept in touch with so many. I am at peace at last.
That plan of a few years ago to end my life at 30 has gone by the way side but I still think about what would happen if it did happen. Would I be missed, very doubtful from my perspective at this point but such is life.
I enjoy writing and recording but I will seriously have to think about what is really next on the agenda as I will turn 30 in 2020. I have time on my side and to use the skills already at my disposal and maybe add one or two more.
I still need time to process things in my own way and not just to suit others. I honestly feel like I make a choice and then I get advice helpful or not straight off the bat. Time to take full control of my life and drive on and not be sitting here in April 2020 writing a similar piece……