Hi All ,
I am putting this letter together for some of my close friends as I haven’t been very honest with people. I am a very good actor and have covered up my true feelings about different issues over the last few years.
I have been struggling with my emotions on a number of levels in the last number of years that have resulted in three Suicide attempts since I left school in 2009. I know that suicide isn’t the answer but at each point I decided that suicide was the answer to my troubles I always found a way to talk myself out of it each time.
I won’t go into a number of the major issues that have troubled me, A lack of motivation and laziness have been big problems for me. I have also got to realise I am not the only person on this planet with problems and I have touch wood still got my health.
I have also realised that I can only really trust a small number of people. Everybody that contacted me in 2014 and told me to get in touch if I needed help , I really do appreciate the offers of support but I now know you have your own lives to get on with and don’t need me to add to your problems.
I give an impression that all’s well with me and nothing ever troubles me, but let’s face it if that was true I wouldn’t be human. Other people might tell me go away and get help and please stop writing about every problem you have.
I hope to leave home in the next few months and that might help me sort through all the problems I have. In the last few years I have learned to cope and hide my true feelings. I know I wrote a letter a few months ago telling everyone that all was well. I spend my day trying to make others laugh and can evade most questions with short answers.
In particular, I owe certain people so much for all the help and support you have given me in recent times. From the bottom of my heart , Thank You….. I wrote this a few years ago and just want to share it with people.
Cian Mc Gibney