I have been asked to write a short piece about my battle with suicide and depression. I have struggled over the years with a battle that has been fought mostly in my head. I have always felt not good enough to be on this earth.

Three times I have contemplated suicide and on one occasion I was very close to following through on the promise of actually going through with my suicide plan. Only for my Mom figuring out there was something wrong with me and asking a relative to call me to see could he find out what was wrong with me.

I went to my grandparents home that evening and wrote 10 letters saying goodbye to groups of people. I sat there watching the Ireland women’s rugby team play England and contemplated life because only a few weeks earlier I lost my grandfather.

I felt totally useless as I sat there thinking about my next move which I thought was to throw myself off the pier down in Tarbert Island. Then the phone rang in my grandparent’s kitchen and it was a cousin of mine who claimed to be looking for my uncle but I found that very strange as my grandfather had just passed away and when you need to contact my uncle you call his mobile and not the home phone.

This call proved to be the call that saved my life because had that call not happened I wouldn’t be sitting here writing this piece.  I have battled with the demons in my head over the last 14 years and continue this battle on a daily basis.

Since September 2016 life has been very different that was when my Mam passed away and it took me the best part of 6 months to get my head straight to try and comprehend what had happened. In January of this year I started counselling and after 7 months of counselling I felt strong enough to step away from counselling and see how I could get on coping on my own.

Yes I have the support of my family but I still struggle on a daily basis with what happened on that faithful evening in September. The battle in my head has returned and has come back with vengeance but thankfully after 7 months of counselling I have the coping skills to recognise the signs of when things are getting tough and I know when to take a step back.

My reason for writing this short piece is to tell people that even when times are tough it is ok to stand up and say things are not ok. I spent far too long trying to deal with issues however big or small on my own and that particular way of doing things nearly cost me my life. Thankfully things have improved for me and I am on the way back…

When you see someone that may look like they are in need of help reach out to them and ask them how they are , the chance to talk and get it off their chest may just be the release valve that person needed…

 Always remember It is ok not to be ok…..

Cian Mc Gibney

Zebo Departs For Pastures New

Simon Zebo will leave Munster at the end of this season for pastures new after it was announced that despite discussions with the IRFU and the Munster Branch , a deal could not be brokered and he will be with a yet to be announced club from next season onward.

This will come as a real blow to Munster who have already seen Donnacha Ryan leave for Racing 92 although Ryan is coming toward the end of his playing career, Simon Zebo is at the peak of his powers at 27. He has a family to support and he has in recent months made no secret of the fact that one day he wanted to move onto pastures new.

His destination has not been announced at this point but as the season moves on I am sure we will be made aware of his destination. He will of course forfeit his chances of playing for Ireland unless like Jonathan Sexton he can work a release clause into his next contract. He is an important player in an Irish context and Joe Schmidt will you can be certain do his utmost to keep him involved with Ireland between next season and the next World Cup in 2019.

Munster will now be in the market for a back three player to try and replace the undoubted quality that Simon Zebo possesses. They have real quality in the squad at this current moment with the likes of Ronan O Mahony and Darren Sweetnam along with Stephen Fitzgerald who has made a number of senior appearances for Munster, he was at full back last Friday for Munster A down in Cork when they took on Nottingham.

 This news will annoy the Munster faithful who will no doubt feel hard done by once more by the IRFU after last season where they saw Donnacha Ryan agree to join Racing 92. This author can understand Simon Zebo’s position to a certain degree, he is 27 and wants to make the most of his playing career both on the field and also in financial terms as well.

He has been very honest in recent months so for that reason you feel that supporters while they may be angry for a short period they will understand his reasons for leaving at this point and who knows in a few seasons “Zeebs” could make a welcome return to the Munster colours in a few seasons time.

Enjoy the next chapter of your career Simon but for now as he has said himself he has plenty of unfinished business with Munster and Ireland for this year. Roll on Connacht next Friday so….

By

Cian Mc Gibney

23/10/2017 

Irish Women’s Rugby New Coach

So the Ireland women’s team are on the lookout for a new head coach, only instead of a full time coach on this occasion, the successful candidate will only have a 6 month part time deal on the table.  

This does seem to be a very strange call to make at this moment in time. Going back to a part time 15s coach when there will be a full time 7s programme working alongside it. Anthony Eddy will continue in his role as 7s head coach while also working to further develop the player pool in both the 15s and 7s codes.

A number of players have already decided to hang up their boots in the aftermath of the World Cup , players like Marie Louise Reilly and Nora Stapleton have retired from playing and now in the wake of this decision one would fear that more players that may be sitting on the fence waiting to see what the IRFU do next may well just say in the wake of this , “ To hell with this I am off “ This may not be the case for the majority but you can be sure 1 or 2 players will be thinking this way.

The IRFU may decide at the end of the 6 month period to appoint a full time coach after the 2018 Six Nations, whatever the outcome of the 2018 Six Nations, Irish women’s rugby is at a very important crossroads, no games in November unlike 12 months ago thus no opportunity to see if any new players can be found and a new game plan tried out before the players who are selected for the 2018 Six Nations come together for a number of weekend training camps over the coming months.

Heady times ahead for all involved with the women’s game in this country be they coaches, players, administrators and any other volunteers involved up and down the country. Big decisions are coming for the people in charge of the women’s game in the IRFU headquarters over the next few months.

This is also an awfully uncertain time for all the players who have given of their time in green in the last few years. Some will feel let down by this, more will feel just pure anger and frustration. On the day that one of ladies GAA greatest players signed a professional deal to play in the newly formed Ladies AFL. The IRFU have taken a backward step in giving the new head coach whoever he or she may be only a part time deal.

Whatever move they make beyond this point will be watched by all who care for the game very carefully, the ball is now in the court of the IRFU again, think very carefully about your next move , because the future of the game in this country may just depend on your next call…

By

Cian Mc Gibney

18/10/2017

My Ireland Squad For November

Forwards : Props- Cian Healy , Liam O Connor , Jack Mc Grath , Tadgh Furlong , John Ryan , Findlay Bealham

Second Row – James Ryan , Devin Toner , Iain Henderson , Kieran Treadwell , Billy Holland

Hookers – James Tracy , Sean Cronin , Niall Scannell

Back Row/No 8 – CJ Stander , Josh Van Der Flier , Tommy O Donnell , Rhys Ruddock , Sean O Brien , Peter O Mahony  (20)

Scrum Half – Conor Murray , John Cooney , Luke Mc Grath

Out Half – Jonathan Sexton , JJ Hanrahan , Jack Carty

Centre – Robbie Henshaw , Rory Scannell , Stuart Mc Closkey , Rory O Loughlin , Bundee Aki

Back Three/Full Back – Keith Earls , Simon Zebo , Andrew Conway , Darren Sweetnam , Joey Carbery , Adam Byrne , Matt Healy. (18)

This is the 38 man squad I would select for the three November Internationals against , South Africa , Argentina and Fiji.

By

Cian Mc Gibney

12/10/2017

Munster Get There Man

So Munster have finally confirmed that Johan Van Graan will take over from Johan “Rassie” Erasmus in late November. He will take over after signing a two and a half year deal until June 2020. This piece of news will come as a welcome relief to supporters, management and anyone else involved in Munster Rugby.

 This issue caused some trouble over the summer as Munster were landed with a situation where they needed to go in search of a new head coach after only one year of a three year deal. Rassie Erasmus has stated that this opportunity to take on a role within the SARU was a long held ambition and he will take Jaques Nienber back with him.

Munster will finally now have stability for two years heading into a World Cup in late 2019. Now that Munster have dealt with the elephant in the room they can get back to playing rugby in the Pro 14 and in the Champions Cup.

After the Leinster defeat last week, there have been questions asked of the squad and they have assured themselves that with some tweaks in terms of discipline and aggression they may be able to find the answers against Castres next Sunday.

Munster can now fully focus on what is in front of them for the rest of the year and really get into teams in the safe knowledge that all the questions about who will take on the head coaching role will now stop. Erasmus and his charges can now solely focus on winning games and see where that will leave them for the takeover period that will see Van Graan will over from Erasmus.

Johan Van Graan is a highly rated coach within the South African set up and has also been a huge help to The Bulls when they won Super Rugby titles in 2009 and 2010. He was defence coach and also attack coach with them.

 He will bring a fresh voice to the Munster dressing room over the next two years and stability is the key word for Munster now. They can now fully concentrate on trying to better what was achieved last year with a Pro 12 Final appearance and a European Semi Final also.

It is now Johan Van Graan‘s time to shine so the best advice he can be given him is enjoy every minute and to the supporters , give the man time to bed in and here’s hoping the results won’t be long in coming around.

Welcome Johan and enjoy your time in Ireland and in charge of Munster…

By

Cian Mc Gibney

11/10/2017