This Saturday will see thousands of people walk from darkness into light. The walk will again take place in Tarbert with many people taking to the route from the Comprehensive school down the Island Road and then returning to the school.
I have written extensively over the past now 10 years of my own personal battles and the 10th anniversary of my first suicide attempt passed a few weeks ago. As I have spoken of, only for intuition and a phone call in March 2014, I would not be sitting here and that is why I write and speak so openly of my experience as I hope if even one person clicks on this and reads it and that may help them find there light bulb moment to seek out people they trust to open the conversation with those they love and trust.
I know I probably come across as cold and awkward on occasion but that is not the reality. I also know it looks I can’t shut my trap but this will come as a shock for many years I couldn’t speak openly or freely but all that has changed in the past 10 years.
Opening up and sharing has been such a saving grace and although doing it isn’t an easy thing to do for most people over fear of ridicule and being made fun of, but trust me when I say this, opening up will make things easier and people will do all they can to help and support you. I am sure there are people struggling with life, work or school at the moment and feel they can’t turn to anyone for help and support. We all feel like that and we all think we can face our issues single handily but again trust me, we can’t.
I did it that way for so long and in the end I almost killed myself with worry and stress over what others were thinking of me and where I was in life. My battles have been in my own head and believing through the voice in my head that I wasn’t good enough for this planet. Being told I was living in cloud cuckoo land from time to time didn’t help the ongoing battle in my mind and head.
But I asked for support, through a letter I wrote openly and let me tell you it caused war at home but It did the trick and after going for counselling a few years later I realised I need to take up the offer of support.
I also began to slowly realise I am worth my place on this planet and subsequent conversations made me think that ending my life would have destroyed more than my life but the lives of many people.
There is light at the end of every tunnel, trust me again when I say this because I have been to the depths of despair and found my feet through genuine love and support from many people. I always felt alone through my teenage years and even though I never let it show I was tearing myself apart from the inside out and like I always say I am so thankful to my late Mother for her intuition and also that family member who picked up the phone and helped talk me down in that fateful moment in 2014.
Fast forward 10 years and that future I felt unworthy of is burning bright in front of me and I really can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I made it from my own Darkness into the Light. Go and do the same and find someone you trust and have that opening conversation.
To anyone struggling at the moment, reach out and grasp the hand that will come out to help and support you….