30 and Not Out

I have been thinking of writing this piece for a few years. Why did I decide to end my life when I reach the age of 30? Don’t ask me to explain why I picked the age of 30 to end my life. This has been an ongoing issue for me. This plan hasn’t been spoken about because I have kept it hidden over the past few years.

I will turn 30 in May of next year, which is a huge achievement is given I was given the last rites in May 1990 shortly after I was born. I have always struggled in silence and even since 2014 I still stay silent on certain topics. I don’t speak about certain stuff and I am wondering over the last few hours why I have this plan still in my mind.

I do feel like I should talk to a professional about this situation and I will take steps to this end in the next few days. I am content at the moment but I still have that voice at the back of my mind telling me to act on my feelings.

I won’t act on them but the issues I face are very real and are not just made up in my head. I am trying extremely hard to move past the events of September 2016 and all that is associated with that.

Talking has helped me hugely in the past few years and also opening up might just be the key to figuring out why this plan has been in my head in the past couple of years. I haven’t told my closest confidents like Orlagh , Marion , Betty etc.

I am looking for advice about this. I am still blocking out my feelings on certain subjects and this might just be affecting me in daily life. I have this mad notion that me ending my life would solve all of my problems and also close that worst few years in the lives of my immediate family. This really isn’t a runner I know but I still have those feelings but I just hope now that I have written it down move past these feelings.

My 30TH Birthday is this day next week. I was in a very different head space the day I wrote this. The world has been turned upside down over the past few months due to Covid 19. I as I said have thought long and hard about releasing this piece given how over 1,000 families are in mourning for their family members who have lost their lives in the last while. My sympathies to you all.

This is not a pity me piece, it is just a brutally honest account of what it is like to suffer in silence. I always turn to writing at this time. Look I wrote this and was fully aware of what going through with this plan would mean for myself.

Since I penned this I have found some meaning in my life and as I look ahead to my 30th   I hope that this is my last piece I will put together like this.  Some day’s I will be up for the fight and more day’s that will not happen but those days are becoming very few are far between…

Thank you to everyone that has ever helped me out in anyway, I can’t thank everyone individually as I be hear for all day.  I hope everyone is safe and well and to all our health care workers. Keep up the good work !!

I know I had promised many people if I felt bad I’d be in touch straight away but I haven’t done enough of that But 12 months on I am getting much better at speaking up..

Emma Switch

  Hi Emma, It was great to make contact with you on Twitter…     Can you tell me how you got started out as a session wrestler ? I was yet working as a dominatrix for about 6 ,7 years before I started with mixed wrestling Because I have a muscular body more and more people began to ask me for mixed wrestling. One day a client told me he had a mixed wrestling company that was the first thing I heard about it. and I didn’t t give it much attention. About a year later I started bjj and was very excited about it Started to advertise for the mixed wrestling sessions and tour across europe. Now most of my sessions are mixed wrestling or muscle worship.       How do you keep yourself in shape ? I train every day, often twice a day (gym + bjj) and eat healthy I don’t believe in diets, if you can’t do it forever it s kind of senseless in my opinion happily I love healthy things   so yes lots of vegetables, oats ,salads, eggs I am vegetarian for 31 year well ,5 years  the following 16 years I started to eat fish once in a while no pizza no fries no sauces or prepared dishes or desserts so yes just clean things.           What sort of diet if any do you follow ? I train every day, often twice a day (gym + bjj) and eat healthy I don’t believe in diets, if you can’t do it forever it s kind of senseless in my opinion happily I love healthy things   so yes lots f vegetables, oats ,salads, eggs i m vegetarian for 31 year well ,5 years  the following 16 i started to eat fish once in a while no pizza no fries no sauces or prepared dishes or desserts   so yes just clean things   Do you mainly do work at home or do you travel to other places ? I am living in Romania where there basically are no clients at all, so I am dependent on travel i usually travel a week every  month  or 3 weeks when it s intercontinental    Can you tell me three things that people will not know about you ? I used to be a painter and hope to find the time and peace someday to return to that for those that didn’t t know yet, I am moving to the US this year so for the people who had me on their wishlist in EU, don’t wait too long and I have very cute burbs, someone told me to mention 🙂       Lastly Emma, what are the hopes for the future ? Professionally i want to work with lot more other sessionwrestlers and companies than I had the chance so far   but I hope a move will  definitely help with that as well   I hope to compete again and live happily ever after   Thank you for taking time out to chat to me in these strange times !!        

Brave New World

I have defiantly thought long and hard before putting these thoughts down on paper. The world as we know it has changed and when all of this ends one wonders what our “new reality” will be… What our new priorities will be or will we just return to the habits we had pre Corona Virus !!

What the restrictions have done is most likely make people sit back and take note of the World around us, the sounds of birds etc. I am in the category of essential workers and so I have doing a number of small tasks. It has been lovely and unnerving in equal measure to literally be the only one on the street early in the morning.

It certainly makes me think as I move around of what is happening in the world and of all those who are on the front line doing such a sterling job keeping us safe. All of health workers, retail staff and others that are working on a daily basis to keep Ireland going in the middle of this pandemic. We have a large number of health care workers living here in the village and also in the surrounding areas that are working long hours to preserve life. I salute you all…

Also for those people who are struggling, whether that is missing family, colleagues, friends whoever just pick up the phone and make that call or send that text you were threatening to always send… We are apart but technology allows us to be in family’s front rooms and even though it certainly isn’t the same as being there but  Face Time, Whatsapp, Skype and House Party allow people to stay connected…

When this is all said and done when ever that will be, there will be one hell of a party… But for now we just need to heed the current restrictions and look after each other by staying apart !!

Also I will turn 30 just before the current sets of restrictions are lifted on the 5th of May so I will be marking my 30th nice and quietly….

British and Irish Lions 2001 to 2017

My British and Irish Team from 2001 to 2017

15 Matt Perry

14 Tommy Bowe

13 Brian O Driscoll

12 Jamie Roberts

11 Jason Robinson

10 Jonathan Sexton

9 Rob Howley

8 Scott Quinnell

7 David Wallace

6 Richard Hill

5 Paul O Connell

4 Martin Johnson

3 Tadgh Furlong

2 Keith Wood

1 Tom Smith

Here is my British and Irish Lions team from 2001 in Australia up to the 2017 tour of New Zealand. I know I have left many big names out like Wilkinson but you can’t select 30 players on the field you can only pick 15…. It would be interesting to see what changes people would make !!!

My Irish XV from 2000 to 2020

My Ireland XV – 2000 to 2020

Like my Munster XV from earlier this week, I will now try and select an Irish XV from the past 20 years that has seen unprecedented success for the national team under Gatland, O’Sullivan, Kidney and Joe Schmidt. This XV will not be to everyone liking but that what is meant to happen, it is meant to spark debate.

15 Rob Kearney

14 Tommy Bowe

13 Brian O Driscoll

12 Gordon D’arcy

11 Keith Earls

10 Ronan O Gara

9 Peter Stringer

8 Anthony Foley

7 David Wallace

6 Sean O Brien

5 Paul O Connell

4 Donnacha Ryan

3 Mike Ross

2 Keith Wood

1 Cian Healy

Here is the XV  I would select from the past 20 years…..

My Munster Team of the Past 20 Years

Seen as Sport has stopped for the foreseeable future due to Covid 19 I have been wondering how to go back writing after nearly 4 weeks away. Here I will select the best 23 I have seen playing for Munster since 2000. There have been many quality men that have donned the famed Red jersey in the last 20 years and I will now select my best XV.

15 Paul Warwick

14 Doug Howlett

13 Rua Tipoki

12 Lifimi Mafi

11 Keith Earls

10 Ronan O Gara

9 Conor Murray

8 Anthony Foley

7 David Wallace

6 Peter O Mahony

5 Paul O Connell

4 Donnacha Ryan

3 BJ Botha

2 Jerry Flannery

1 Dave Kilcoyne

16 Niall Scannell

17 Marcus Horan

18 John Hayes

19 Donnacha O Callaghan

20 Alan Quinlan

21 Peter Stringer

22 Tyler Bleyendaal

23 Shaun Payne

Here is the 23 I would select and I realise I am leaving men like Mike Mullins, Anthony Horgan and more out but that just shows the strength of the Munster squad over the last 20 years. Looking forward to seeing what changes people will make..

Ireland Vs England 2020 Six Nations

The dust has settled on a 24-5 loss away in Twickenham last Sunday. It is Any Farrell’s first defeat as Ireland head coach. It will be interesting in the aftermath of the game what the reaction of the squad will be along with the coaching staff.

The performance left a lot to be desired and will need to be improved upon with the Italy game on Saturday week. Of course there are question marks over the Italian game due to the Corona Virus outbreak in Italy.

A number of sports fixtures have been already postponed and the Irish Government are keeping a close eye on the situation with the Six Nations also keeping abreast of the situation. Ireland will come together for a two day camp with 28 players involved with a number of players released to play in this weekend’s Pro 14 although Ulster’s game in Italy has been postponed and will be re fixed.

Looking at the team that could be selected, it could have a number of changes just to freshen up the 23 up. Players like Ross Byrne, Caelan Doris, Dave Kilcoyne and Andrew Porter will feel they can add something to the Irish side heading into the final two games of the Championship.

Over the last few years, the game against Italy has been the game where players have been interchanged more so than against the other few teams in the Championship. It has been a real test for Farrell with the manner of the Irish performance. He will now need to act and make sure that the same level of performance doesn’t happen against Italy or France.

Particularly against France the performance last Sunday just won’t make the grade and will need to be seriously picked apart to try and come up with a more attack minded game plan and that means Mike Catt bringing in some cleaver attacking moves that haven’t been seen before, yes there have been a few new things seen in the first two games but more needs to be seen in the next few games and in the Summer tour of Australia.

I will now try and select a 23 I feel will beat Italy in Dublin on Saturday week :

15 Jordan Larmour

14 Andrew Conway

13 Garry Ringrose

12 Stuart Mc Closkey

11 Jacob Stockdale

10 Ross Byrne

9 John Cooney

8 Caelan Doris

7 Josh Van Der Flier

6 CJ Stander

5 James Ryan

4 Iain Henderson

3 Andrew Porter

2 Ronan Kelleher

1 Dave Kilcoyne

16 Dave Heffernan

17 Jack Mc Grath

18 Tadgh Furlong

19 Ultan Dillane

20 Will Connors

21 Luke Mc Grath

22 Billy Burns

23 Robbie Henshaw

Ireland vs Wales 2020

It’s 2 wins from 2 games played by the Irish women after a solid 31-12 win over Wales this afternoon at a very stormy Donnybrook. This win was defiantly build on a solid defence that saw Ireland having to defend for large periods over the 80 minutes but this was also matched by some wonderful handling from the players throughout the 23.

As I said last week, there is most certainly a new style being bedded in and week on week it is getting better and better so heading for a tough fixture against England away from home in 2 weeks time this team will be brim full of confidence.

Adam Griggs and his coaches do seem to have new leaders emerging in this current group with players like Anna Caplice, Cliona Moloney and Edel Mc Mahon really leading from the front to help team captain Ciara Griffin in leading this young group which is still learning the ropes in terms of experience at this level.

All you can ask is to be 2 from 2 after two homes games to start the campaign and this squad has done just that and there cohesion as a group is getting better, there work in the tight 5 is getting better and also there ability to offload out of the tackle is getting better and this can only be a good thing going forward.

The weather conditions were terrible but both sides coped well in the extreme weather that last for about 20 minutes of the 2nd half and both sets of players have to applauded for the way they tried to continue to offload while to weather steadily got worse in that 20 minute spell.

It is now a two week break for both teams with England next up for Ireland and Wales will face France at home. Ireland can reflect on two good wins on home soil and will at least travel to play England in good form.

Roll on England in 2 weeks…..

 

 

Ireland Vs Wales 2020 Six Nations

Ireland women will hope to make it two wins from two when they play Wales on Sunday at 1pm in Donnybrook. After a tough game against a very well coached Scotland side Ireland will want to keep up the winning momentum by beating a Welsh side that they have had a decent record against in recent seasons.

Ireland will hope to have skipper Ciara Griffin back in harness after she left the field at half time in last week’s game. Ireland played well in only fits and starts last weekend with only a breakaway try on 65 minutes managing to see off an energised Scotland team.

Scotland will feel with a bit of luck they would have managed to win the game after soaking up some early Irish pressure they managed to turn the set piece to their advantage with a very strong scrum and very good defence these two aspects kept Scotland in the game throughout where Scotland worked there socks off and only for that try by Beibhinn Parsons, Scotland would have been well set to find a score to win this game but a strong Ireland defence kept them at bay.

Ireland will look to kick on and hope to improve in attack where they will know when they have the ball they need to keep it and try and get there outside backs into space and then go after Wales also in the set piece where Ireland were poor at the scrum and they will need to start the game on Sunday from minute one in the right frame of mind.

Players like Anna Caplice, Ciara Griffin, Sene Naoupu will need to lead Ireland from the front and there quality at the current moment will be crucial because Ireland are trying to play a new style that is still under development and thankfully the few warm up games have allowed Ireland to at least bed in the new style and those games also allowed for mistakes to be ironed out before last week and this week aswell.

It is time for Ireland to up the ante with Wales on Sunday and then away to England in two weeks time. Time for this side to show an upward curve with some big tests on the horizon in this campaign and then the World Cup qualifiers in September of this year. It’s another chance for this group to play in front a of a packed house at Energia Park.

The kick off is 1pm Sunday, so if you’re at a loose end h=get to Donnybrook if you can to support the girls in green…

2020 Women’s 6 Nations

Ireland will start there 2020 women’s 6 Nations campaign against Scotland in Donnybrook tomorrow at 1pm.  They will hope to start the Championship in winning fashion after only one win in 2019 to their opponent’s tomorrow afternoon. Ireland then lost their other fixtures and will also have to qualify for the 2021 World Cup at the tail end of 2020. 2020 is a big year for Irish women’s rugby which has gone through many turbulent times since the home World Cup of 2017.

Many players have left the squad through retirement and the players just haven’t come through as quickly as one would have hoped. Having to split there resources between 7s and 15s has been tough but this cannot be used as an excuse into 2020 as this has been the norm for a few years now.

With 3 homes games against Scotland, Wales and Italy the hope of a 3rd place finish is very much in Irish hands as one feels England and France will be fighting for top spot even though they face each other in round 1.

Momentum is a word used very often in sport but is a key message for this group and they know a win against Scotland will set them up for a another home game vs Wales on Sunday week. Adam Griggs has had a extra few training camps and training game vs Wales so they should be very prepared for the challenge that this weekend will bring.

Having Phillip Doyle in the Scottish corner will bring challenges he was the man that was in charge of Ireland for many years including a number of World Cups and he was the man who was in charge of Ireland when they won the Grand Slam of 2013 and Championship win in 2015.

Both he and Ireland have been on different paths since he left the Irish job. Ireland have lost the momentum of his time charge and have really failed to capitalise on the good work he and many more put in while he was charge.

The challenge for this current group is to try and win all three home fixtures and then they have two free hits against France and England although they won’t see either game as a “free hit“ against the heavyweights of England in round 3 and France in Round 5.

Time for all the talking to cease and for the girls in green to take charge and put all the lessons of 2019 to good use and make a winning start to the 2020 Championship on home soil against Scotland. 1pm in Donnybrook Sunday…